Our league rivals

We are five games in and the league is starting to take shape. A top five of Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea, Tottenham and Manchester City (not necessarily in its current order) is perhaps likely to be the same at the end of season.

There is always the danger of sounding arrogant by omitting or even including teams in a list of rivals. But let’s deal with omissions first. Chelsea and Manchester United, as far as I am concerned are our rivals for two games plus cup draws, respectively, a season . We’re deluded if we believe we are anywhere near these teams.

United are looking frail defensively and Chelsea imperious, but things change and United flatter to deceive. But if the likes of Essien stay fit, it’s difficult to look further than Chelsea for the title. Arsenal, too, are probably beyond our reach. If Fabregas keeps up his stunning form then Arsenal can be title-contenders. Whether or not they will suffer their usual spring-time capitulation is to be seen. At the moment you would fancy Chelsea, United and Arsenal to make up the top three.

As Champions League newcomers – even with experience in Europe – we will struggle to find the balance between domestic and European affairs. There is the danger that if City make the top four this season they will have the clout to attract the world’s elite, and cement themselves there. We shouldn’t concern ourselves with this. Getting out of the Champions League group stages and a top four finish would represent a wonderful season, but a fifth or six place finish in the league and a decent cup run wouldn’t be a disaster. It doesn’t have to all be up until we reach the top – teams do fluctuate.

So how are our rivals doing? These are Manchester City, Liverpool and to a lesser extent Everton and Aston Villa.

Manchester City

So far we haven’t seen anything to worry about, although they have just gone above us in the table by beating a Wigan side we lost to. They have demonstrated their ability to get stuck in and pick up points against stubborn opposition, but have hardly set the world alight and have dropped points too. They out-played a Liverpool side that we will come to, continuing their quite impressive form against the big sides.

In that regard we are quite similar. I often fancy us to pick up points against Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal and not Wolves, Wigan and West Brom. In terms of styles of play, we are a far more attacking team. With Palacios out of favour, we are currently playing with only one defensive-minded midfielder in Huddlestone. City, on the other hand, have Barry, De Jong and Toure all in their starting line-up. As we saw when they came to the Lane: they defend, we attack. They are bound to hit full-stride eventually, are they will probably be our fiercest rivals to fourth spot.

Liverpool

Liverpool were dreadful against United yesterday. Meireles, a more defensive-minded midfielder, played in an advance role behind a fatigued Torres. Cole looked out of form, Poulson out of depth, and Konchesky I really don’t believe is Liverpool class. Gerrard is still a danger player, but is he getting passed it? Again, we will see. I can’t see him playing on like Scholes, unless he changes his game dramatically. Liverpool, however, shouldn’t be underestimated. A few seasons ago they nearly won the title after a year of stunning form. The midfield trio of Mascherano, Alonso and Gerrard was unrivalled in its effectiveness. Whether they can hit their stride under Hodgson remains to be seen, but you do wonder where their goals are coming from.

Tottenham

We are our own worst enemies. If we can cut out mistakes, lapses in concentration and convince one of our strikers to score a couple of goals, we can go far. We have hardly set the world on fire ourselves, but given the disappointing starts of Liverpool and Man City we are well in there after five games.  The tests against the big boys are overrated, we need to pick up points from the smaller teams to cement out place in the top four – after all, there are more of them, and thus more points to pick up.

Next update in five games time. Plus I might have a ponder about Villa and Everton – seems as I have been cheeky and virtually ignored them.

Taught a lesson?

“We’re 2-0 up and they get a goal out of nothing. It happens. What do you want me to do?” said ‘Arry, as he brushed aside the suggestion Werder Bremen had taught Tottenham a lesson on Tuesday night.

Still, that didn’t stop Reuters – the impartial news-wire – claiming just that: ‘Tottenham taught harsh lesson’. Not to mimic ‘Arry – in a comedic exasperated pitch – but what lesson?

Apparently the lesson is as follows:

If you score two goals and then concede two goals – you earn a draw. A draw gets you one point. That’s one – not three, not zero. Simple enough so far.

If you are sporadic with your brilliance you will allow other teams to get back in game. The match is 90 minutes. That’s not 80, not 45, and certainly not 43.

If you defend like dickheads you will concede.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong – but aren’t we taught these lessons most weeks? How often have we played a team off the park to only come away with a draw or, worst still, a defeat at the end of the day? It’s not about the Champions League, it’s about football. I don’t think we naive – we were just shit for four minutes and it cost us.

The thing is, you can’t play stunning football all the time. We’ve learnt that. And we have learnt to win ugly. It took a while, but we got there in the end. But we are learning new lessons. You can’t just play ugly or play pretty – you have to do the winning bit too. And that’s the lesson from Bremen. Either put games to bed or don’t defend like dickheads. Now if we are scoring two goals away from home against top, top competition, I’d argue it’s the defending like dickheads we need to address. Our strikers in the league need to buck their ideas up certainly, but there are goals in this Spurs team, I’m convinced. Even without Defoe, Crouch and Pav are capable of picking up a few goals. Bale, Van der Vaart and Niko too will get on the score-sheet, I’m positive.

Are they reliable? We will soon see.

On paper the defence is no worry. Gallas and King. Simple. But yeah, one’s crocked and other’s shy of match fitness. Dawson is out. Kaboul is one for the future, and Bassong has his moments. But it’s BAE and Corluka who are troubling me. But what can you do?

I’ll still argue we’re best with Bale at left-back. That cuts BAE’s mistakes out, and gives us room to stick more people in midfield – and, as you will have noticed, I’m all about the big midfields. I used to rate Corluka very highly, but I’m currently not convinced. But there’s no real alternative. We are just going to have to stick with him and hope he comes good again.

Lennon hasn’t hit the form we expect of him, and until he does we should take him out of the starting 11. He could be devastating as an impact sub, when defenders are tired and we are looking to up our game a little – or to kill it off.

Rumours are flying around that Sandro had a solid 90 in the reserves, and I’m hoping he can be a big player for us. We need a holding midfielder to protect our back-four. As we have seen, they sometimes defend like dickheads. Someone needs to have a look at Palacios and see what’s wrong, because he isn’t a shadow of the player he was at the start of last season. Huddlestone, plus Palacios at his best/ Sandro, if he’s as good as I hope, Modric, Van der Vaart and then either Bale on the left or Lennon on the right is up there with the best midfields in the league. Only Chelsea’s really compares. Unfortunately, Arsenal have Fabregas and he is better than most five-man midfields on his own, but we are on paper in bloody good shape.

So we’ve leant all this:

• We can outplay pretty much anyone. Man United are a boogey team and I don’t fancy Barca. But we can beat Twente and Inter on our day
• We can outplay pretty much anyone and still lose. We defend like dickheads when we get nervous. And we get nervous a lot.
• We can be outplayed by pretty much anyone. Wigan, West Brom, Wolves. It can happen.

So, yeah, let’s just sit back and enjoy the ride. Fuck knows where it is going to end.

Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum-Four-Five-One

The renaissance of the rigid 4-4-2 structure has begun following the English annihilation of Bulgaria last week. This time around there were no ancient Athenian scriptures rediscovered in a far-away fallen capital, no sweeping new devices of mass communication invented; quite the opposite. What spurred on this Cultural Revolution was notremembering but a refusal to forget. Our dear leader has hung on to 4-4-2 like paisley shirts in the bitter hope it will one day become vogue again (this winter, I hear).

First points first. I know fluidity has become a hallmark of modern football, but when did the 4-4-2 become so archaic? Perhaps my memory serves me wrong, but it wasn’t that long ago – but we talk about it as if has been an age, in a vain effort to sound on the ball.  Now I’m not arguing against the Gerrard-Torres, Ozil-Klose connections in 4-5-1, but there are other ways to play.

Read the rest at http://www.spurs-web.com/spurs-news/feefifofumfourfiveone/

Our Star Player

A United fan once casually strolled up to me and asked: “You know what the FC after ‘Tottenham Hotspur’ stands for, right?” At the time I was sure I did but I stood corrected. “Feeder Club,” is what he insisted. This was post-Carrick and post-Berbatov. Our once talismanic Irishman had also recently ventured north, turning a different shade of red to the other two. Levy, despite recuperating massive funds from these sales, had become a hugely unpopular figure amongst the White Hart Lane faithful.

“You know the FC after ‘Manchester United’ stands for something quite different, right?” I had quipped back. It’s the sort of “FC” a disgruntled ‘Arry Redknapp might use. But all the swearing the world wasn’t going to change the fact he was right. We had become a feeder club.

How times have changed. Having coughed-up more cash than pretty much anyone else in the League over the last few years (City and Chelsea aside), Levy capped the dry summer of 2010 with the exquisite acquisition of Rafael Van der Vaart, placing himself firmly back in the good books. But two of the most important signings of recent times have been that of players already on our books: Luka Modric and Gareth Bale. Success in the shape of a fourth-place finish has allowed us the luxury of keeping on to our stars.

Read the rest at http://www.spurs-web.com/spurs-news/our-star-player/

Fantasy fuckwits

Here’s a rather delightful fantasy football site, called Fantasy Fuckwits

http://www.fantasyfwit.com/

Pick a team of 11 players (funnily enough) that you think are going to have shockers at the weekend. Here’s how point are accumulated:

Match Day Performance
Losing a match: 1 point for each player in the losing team, including substitutes
Losing by 3+ goals: 1 extra point for each player, including each substitute used
Most disappointing player: 3 points, awarded by one of our ‘Expert Panellists’
Scoring own goal: 3 points, with 1 possible bonus point for enhanced comedy value
Giving away penalty: 3 points
Assist in opposition goal: 1-3 points. Think hopeless back pass, Robert Green in South Africa etc
Missing easy chance: 1-3 points
Missing by a mile: 1 point

Discipline
Straight Red Card: 4 points
Yellow Card: 1 point
Second Yellow (ie =red): 2 points
F**kwit Yellows (e.g. removing shirt during goal celebration): 1 bonus point

General Footballing Malarkey
Getting sacked or quitting (Managers and players): 10 points
Getting injured during pre-match warm-up: 5 points
Training ground punch-up: 5 points
Handbags (on-pitch pushing & shoving): 1-3 points each for the main protagonists
Kissing the badge: 1 point
Other embarrassing goal celebrations: 1 point
Amateur dramatics (diving, feigning injury etc): 1 point
Laughable change of hairstyle: 1 point
Comedy value: 1 point

Off-the-pitch Antics
Off-the-pitch points are awarded by our ‘Expert Panel’ in celebration of the many Premiership players who liven up the tabloid news pages each week. Points are awarded on a case-by-case basis, using the following as a guide:

Ten points:
Fathering a love child (points awarded on acknowledgement of fatherhood, DNA results or facial similarity)
Getting jailed (points awarded on first day inside/first drop the soap incident)
Getting deported
Getting banned for snorting or injecting anything illegal, failing to attend drug test etc

Five points:
Caught cheating on WAG
Other WAG-related naughtiness
Getting nicked for drunk-driving
Wrapping car round lamppost
Unwanted tabloid attention of any description
Recording pisspoor rap song

One to three points
Having house burgled while away on football trip
Having house burgled while inside it
Drunk in bar/nightclub shortly before game
Getting into bar/nightclub fight
Getting nicked for speeding
General off-pitch f**kwittery

Don’t get too cocky and put too many Wigan players in!

Meeelaaan, anyone?

This is pretty much all I have to say on the matter. Everything else is superfluous. But succinctness isn’t my style so I shall digress into more vivid descriptions.

I’m something of a bum, so my build-up to the draw was extended to say the least. The general feeling is that Spurs could be dark horses. Andy Gray thinks so, Jimmy Floyd think so, even Wenger does. Graham Roberts – displaying that characteristic quiet optimism us Spurs fans are famed for – reckons we will venture at least into the last eight.

So I’m watching the draw and some twat from Sky TV rings and – ironically – ruins my enjoyment of watching Sky TV. I’m thus struggling to concentrate on the task in hand – which is making sure Diego Milito doesn’t stick Rubin Kazan in our group. There’s something the Barca-beaters, who live fucking miles away, that I don’t fancy.

I decide to let the dust settle before I make any rash comments, but else where on the interweb Spurs fans are back with that said gentle enthusiasm for our chances. “It’s an easy group,” says one. “We’ll definitely get to the knock out stages,” says another. Back in the studio, the pundits aren’t so sure. Gray thinks we have been dealt a difficult hand – and I’m inclined to agree. But like Gray i’m inclined to believe that this Spurs side are still good enough to go through.

First up Inter. A year ago we would have all been (rightly) shitting our pants over the prospect of facing the Special One‘s Inter who, even by the high standards he set, achieved way beyond what was thought possible. But now José has pissed off to Real, the prospect of meeting Inter – now managed by Benítez – doesn’t seem as daunting.

But let’s get a few things straight. Obviously the UEFA team players of the year were all going to be from the winning side, but it makes you realise what a top team remains in Milan. César, Maicon, Sneijder, Milito. That’s a little fucking scary. To paraphrase José, Benítez has been left a ready-to-assemble team. And despite his last few years at Liverpool, this is manager who lives and dies for the Champions League. So much so, he even forgot to get Liverpool into it by performing domestically. I can’t see us getting anything there and we’ll struggle at the Lane too. I’m not saying we should write-off our chances, but we’ll need points for elsewhere.

Now Werder Bremen - particularly without Özil – are a different proposition, and I’m happy to kick-off the campaign against them. FC Twente - the team we are most likely to beat – would have been the worst to begin with I feel, and a trip to Inter could have been too much, too soon. The truth is that Bremen without their star player and the other two without their star managers are weaker than they were last year.

It’s difficult, therefore, to judge the draw. But I think I’ll be quietly optimistic.

Quiet before the storm

In the name of productivity I’m blogging for your adoring eyes today. But in actuality there is very little going on. Gallas is at his first training session with us. It doesn’t look as if he’s upset anyone yet, so that’s positive news.

Second on the agenda: Crouch to Stoke? Can’t see it myself. And neither can hawk-eyed Pulis – who coincidentally saw the ball cross the Spurs goal-line on Saturday when both the referee and his assistant failed to. But given that his football team play a game that most closely resembles rugby, his calls for goal-line technology come as no surprise.

So now we have covered today’s transfers (apart from the Keane to West Ham/Parker to Spurs rumour, which isn’t worth too many blog-inches), I’d like to draw your attention to the Top 3 Redknapp quotes of the fortnight. I certainly believe this has the potential to become a regular feature here at Confessions of a Spurs Fan, as the man speaks in pure gold.

1. On the controversial Gallas signing: “It’s not the Yorkshire Ripper I’m signing, is it?”

2. On masterminding Bale’s ascension from hoodoo to top class winger: “I just said ‘stop fucking about with your barnet’ – good tactical stuff like that!”

3. On potential elimination from the Champions League: “What can it mean? What are we going to do – commit suicide or something?”

And that’s all folks. Fuckety-bye.